Home. These walls. I cried, cried and cried. I have no reason to get up. No reason to get dressed. No reason to put on makeup- it will just make a bigger mess to clean up. I was stuck to my couch and I had no motivation to face the day. I was not going to put on my happy face and try to appear to be okay. I could not go out. I really didn't want to.
After virtually not hearing from him yesterday, my hope had dwindled and the reality was coming back into my logic. I just needed this one day to be. This one day to recuperate. To feel sorry for myself. Sometimes, you just need a day. And today was that day for I could not let anyone see me this sad. I need to shut myself in, play the agoraphobic, and keep denying that it is this heartache that has me crippled. I cannot move and I will not try.
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