Conveniently, he locked himself out. So we had to speak. I asked where he was going on a friday night at 9 pm that he was locked out...hopefully a meeting. But NO. He was going to a bar to meet up with his friends. But rest assured, kind reader, he says he was not going to drink. How reassuring coming from a mouth who has exercised more carefully constructed deceit than a fucking lawyer. It was with this admission that I knew I was making the right decision.
Less than a week sober and he is already throwing himself to the lions. But like I said, I am not in control of his decisions. I only have control over mine. And I am no longer the ringleader in this circus and I no longer have to tame the lions.
So it was validation in its purest form. The sign I knew would come and needed, but didn't expect this soon. It was the shove I needed to help me continue down my destined path towards self preservation and reconstruction of my heart. I am just waiting for the relief that I know will eventually come. The peace I need to fully be free from the shame of standing by and watching the man I love continue to destroy himself. It is no longer my job.
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