Saturday, September 25, 2010

Day Thirty: Myth? (Sept 11th)

All hopeful women around the world have heard the myth about the man who was cheating on his wife, said he was going to leave, actually left her for the other woman and they lived happily ever after. Or the guy who was an infamous womanizer, player type who changed his stripes for the right woman. The guy who never did this or that and was given an ultimatum and then suddenly changed. These things never happen and are as likely as discovering the Loch Ness Monster or Sasquatch. Yet they serve as reasons many woman hold out, give chances and cling to hope. However, I found this flying pig in my dear friend. He actually did change his ways, has a baby and is finally living up to his potential, being the man I always knew he had underneath his scum baggery, treating his woman with love and respect.

I spent the day with them, at their new home and talked with her about my whole situation. She was very realistic and told me of all the trials and tribulations she went through with him. Her doubts, her fears, the crushing pain of walking away and having him come back. I tell this story not to give more false hope or disillusion myself with the idea that mine would ever change. But because it gave me hope that some men can eventually grow up. Although selling themselves out for a single life, depriving their lives from what is truly sustainable and fulfilling, can realize that its not worth it in the end. It was nice to see it for once. However, my friend and I both concluded that this is not something to look for, hope for or even consider. Because it's a waste of time and is usually a futile endeavor. Why go through all that when you can find someone who is on the same page as you and does not need commitment boot camp?

I have always considered giving the men in my life second, third, fourth chances. One day my Mom asked me what is the point? Why work on fixing what is broke when you can start fresh with someone who doesn't need another chance or who hasn't violated the relationship? From now on, when I am ready, I will pay attention to the red flags. I will walk away when I see them and not listen to the voice in my head that says not everyone is perfect. Because these red flags in the beginning become road blocks and, in my case, a 100 car pile up that one can only hope to survive and limp away from.

2 comments:

  1. what happened to your blog? only 30 days... did you get back together? I ran across this blog today and was curious. I live in the LA area and know how hard it can be to date and especially be cheated on... so how are you now?

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  2. Hi. Yes, we did get back together. Things were great for a long time. He got sober, took AA seriously and then this last weekend he relapsed and became his old self. I am back at day one. Hopefully this time it will be easier. Thank you for reading.

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