I woke up and once again, thought that it was just a nightmare. But no, it did really happen. He slept with a nasty 52 year old hag and lied. He lied about everything. He tried to keep me under false pretenses. Would continually say to me that he may have faults but he never cheated on me. That he never slept with anyone else. All LIES!! Anxiety and darkness crashed down on me. I was covered in sorrow. Feeling constant anxiety and doom. I could not understand how he could do this to me. Rage was beginning to step in and I wanted answers.
I incessantly texted him with insults, wanting answers, threatening him. I was consumed by this anger, his betrayal, questions of how he could be so deceitful? How could I have ever been so dumb to believe him? I was so angry.
There was nothing to fix this. I was broken and angry. I cannot even explain what it feels like to experience such betrayal. Especially from a person who you gave your entire life to. I gave him my everything. There was nothing that I would not have done. I was hopelessly devoted to a man who did not honor or love me back. These emotions are the worst feelings I have ever experienced. He ripped my heart out of my chest and was feeding off of it to get by...and never even gave two thoughts about what he was doing to me. How could he?
I went on Facebook, posted a picture of this nasty hag and captioned it with something to the effect of: She is hot and sexy. My ex thought so. I would cheat on me with her too! It sparked a frenzy of commentary, all about how sick this girl is, how gross he is for doing this to me and so forth. After 24 hours, I took it down. I had accomplished what I wanted: for him to be exposed.
The world needs to know what kind of man this is. And how low he is to do this to a woman who loved him. Every girl needs to know what he is capable of. When you are dealing with a person who clearly has no conscience or care for the affect their actions have on those in their life, the only thing left to do is to threaten their livelihood and their reputation. Because at the end of the day, all they really care about is themselves. This picture accomplished that. And I had texted him some things that made him think his boss was going to find out the kind of scum he has working for him. I never did this of course. I just wanted him to experience a smidgen of the mental anguish his actions have caused me by threatening his livelihood.
In the end, none of this helped me heal one bit. I don't have a clue how I am going to get through this and I don't know if I will ever be the same. I feel like I was walking on the road of life and someone came in, stole my resources and raped my soul. This is not what was supposed to happen. How will I ever heal from this?
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